By Chloe DiVita
And so I will continue with my previous post because today at about 4:15 pm I received a phone call. My cell phone rang, I was in the middle of a meeting, and when I picked it up (just to see) I saw it said Leigh. I knew that it wasn’t truly Leigh because Leigh is much past making phone calls, and for a second everything went silent and my heart sank. This couldn’t be good. And indeed, it wasn’t. It was Chris, Leigh’s husband (and my husband’s brother, but someone who I am extremely close with to the point where he calls me his twin). He said that the doctor, whom I knew was visiting during the day, said Leigh’s pulse was high. At least 160, but possibly higher because she actually had trouble counting that fast, and she hadn’t been truly awake in about 48 hours, and she seemed to be salivating at the mouth, and she was quite warm. This meant that Leigh has anywhere from a few hours to a few days, but definitely no more than a week.
I knew this. This phone call; I knew it was coming. And yet, in the middle of my meeting, I sat in a sort of shocked state. I had to finish what I was doing, and yet I was quite disturbed. I spoke to him for a few more seconds and then said I’d call him back when the environment was more conducive to speak freely. At this moment, I have not done that yet, but soon I will.
Now I sit debating the question of when I should leave. When I should go; when I should be there for Leigh, for Chris, for me. What is important right now? I have much to do. Work tasks are pulling at me, my daughter’s needs are pulling at me, my husband’s needs are pulling at me, and yet, it is me who I am most concerned about. I wonder is that selfish, is that right? I don’t know. But I know I have an overwhelming feeling, deep within myself, to be there. To be there for Leigh; to be there for Chris; to be there for me. I’m not sure I would ever be able to get past not going. So I believe I must go.
And right now, as I read through what I have written, I think I’ve said too much. Maybe let everyone in to my thoughts a bit more than intended, but maybe that’s the way it should be. So I will leave the words as they were written.
Please know that no matter what my decision is, I will be sure my loose ends are tied tight enough to survive my absence. Work or personal, I will be sure I have a plan. But right now, in a matter of life or death, I need to do what will provide my soul the most peace it can have.
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